I'm scared. Its only been 14 months since you were taken from us but I feel like my picture of you is fading. The edges of the image I have of you in my mind are blurring and I'm losing the fine details. The tone and lilt of your voice are losing their nuances. I am having a hard time remembering your smell, that mixture of new car smell, a bit of Old Spice, shaving cream and cigarettes. Its like I'm losing a little bit of you every day, no matter how hard I try to remember.
So I sit and look at old pictures. Squeeze my eyes shut and try to remember your voice. Inhale deeply and think about that smell. A smell that will always remind me home and a sense of security.
Maybe its my subconscious trying to heal me, take away the pain I feel every time I am reminded of you. But I won't let it. I need those painful reminders. I need the little details of you to remain vivid and sharp.
Luckily, your grand daughter is a living reminder of your spirit. The twinkle in her eye was the twinkle in your eye. And music. The way she loves music is the way you loved music. She sways to the beat and taps the floor and if the song really pumps her up, she does a little head shake too. And that's when I am reminded of you the most. Nights in the kitchen rocking out to Van, concerts down town, or that sweltering hot June night when you danced that father daughter dance with me and gave me away to the love of my life.
Love you Daddy. Miss you more than I can even say.
xoxo
Cait
No comments:
Post a Comment