Dear Dad.

It has been a year since my Dad was taken from our lives suddenly and without warning. A year since our entire lives got flipped upside down and inside out, and a year since I first discovered what it truly feels like to have your heart obliterated into a billion pieces. A year since I lost my mentor, confidant and T's Gramps.

And in that year, the pain has not subsided. Time has not healed this wound. On the outside, I may seem more together than I was a year ago, but on the inside I am sad. Really, really sad. I really, really miss him. More than I can ever describe or put in to words. I miss him so hard that it physically hurts, like I can't catch my breath.

I wish with every ounce that I am that he was still here. Still here to see his first grandkid grow up. Still here to be my go to guy when I was flustered about a life decision. And most importantly, still here to grow old with my mom.

And because I have so much left to say to him, I had to write it down.



Dear Daddy,

First of all, I know that wherever you are you are surrounded by those that we have loved. I know we aren't very religious, but I have to believe that you are in a better place with Gramps, Granny and Auntie Va - Va. That Van Morrison is playing on a loop while the Packers are always Super Bowl Champs and the Leafs won the Stanley Cup (I told you it's a better place!)

I miss you. So much. I have no idea why you had to leave us so early and I don't think I will ever understand but even if I did, I don't think it would take away the pain of never being able to see you again.

This year without you has been pretty tough. Actually, a lot tough. Remember when we were little and stubbed our toe or jammed our finger or incurred some other minor injury? You always told us to count to 10, and by the time we were done, the pain would be gone. That was pretty clever of you, distracting us with that counting thing. But no matter how many times I count to 10, the pain of missing you just won't subside.

I have so much I want to tell you about your grand daughter. I wish you could have met her, even if it was only for a day. She is quite the character, and while she certainly looks a lot like her daddy, those baby blues are all me. Call me crazy, but sometimes when she looks at me, it's like a little piece of you is shining through, reminding me to keep calm and carry on.

I hope I can do as good a job with her as you did with us kids. I promise I will teach her the importance of education, to follow her dreams, and most importantly, family ALWAYS comes first.

I know things wont get easier anytime soon but I promise you Dad, we are sticking together, supporting each other and trying to live our lives as you would want us to.

Love you more Daddy.

xoxo