Grateful.

Yesterday was one of the most terrifying days of my life. 

I had a very serious fall with my horse. He reared up and flipped over backwards right on top of me. 

It felt like he was on top of me for an eternity. I know he was frightened. We both were. He was trying his hardest to get off of me and I was trying with all my might to get out from underneath him. There was horse and hooves everywhere. I felt like I was being crushed and at one point seriously thought that I'm never going to get out from underneath him. That this was it. And if it wasn't it, I was going to be really seriously injured. 

But after probably 30 seconds (which felt like hours) he found his footing and managed to get upright. He took off like a bat out of hell, no doubt petrified at what had just happened. And I just lay there. And then I hurt.

Holy crap. 

I have never been in that much pain. It felt like my chest was being crushed from all directions. My back was on fire. And I couldn't stop shaking. 

But I was alive. Conscious. And could move my arms and legs. 

The next 10 minutes were a complete blur. I tried desperately to calm my breathing and hysterical crying. An ambulance was called (thank goodness I wasn't riding alone) and I was told not to move a muscle. Snickers was caught after his little jaunt through the corn field. and my daughter was safely out of sight with a family member so she never saw me writhing in pain, hysterically sobbing. The ambulance arrived within 10 minutes of calling (very impressive since we are so rural) and I was placed on a backboard with a collar. They kept asking me what hurt. I kept saying everything. 

When we arrived at the hospital it was all systems go. I was to remain on the backboard until they cleared my spine for fear of paralysis. I was checked for internal bleeding and an IV was started. My heart rate was racing but thankfully, my oxygen levels were stable. 

A million x rays later I was finally cleared to get off that backboard. I have never been so relieved. But my chest was still so painful. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to move. It hurt to just be. 

Another series of X-rays later and it was determined I had cracked my sternum. It's amazing how many muscles are attached to your sternum. Not to mention breathing. 6-8 weeks to heal and the rest of my body was pretty much beaten up from head to toe. 

But it could have a heck of a lot worse. 

I am so grateful. Grateful that after I had 1500 lbs crash on top of my body I still have my life, and my mobility. Grateful for  the amazing staff at the hospital and the paramedics. And grateful for amazing family around that have rallied to ensure my daughter is taken care of during this time of recovery. 

Ps. If you are a rider, please always wear your helmet. When J pulled my helmet out of the car yesterday he noticed a big hoof print right on the side of it. I shudder to think what could have happened had I not been wearing a helmet.