Grateful.

Yesterday was one of the most terrifying days of my life. 

I had a very serious fall with my horse. He reared up and flipped over backwards right on top of me. 

It felt like he was on top of me for an eternity. I know he was frightened. We both were. He was trying his hardest to get off of me and I was trying with all my might to get out from underneath him. There was horse and hooves everywhere. I felt like I was being crushed and at one point seriously thought that I'm never going to get out from underneath him. That this was it. And if it wasn't it, I was going to be really seriously injured. 

But after probably 30 seconds (which felt like hours) he found his footing and managed to get upright. He took off like a bat out of hell, no doubt petrified at what had just happened. And I just lay there. And then I hurt.

Holy crap. 

I have never been in that much pain. It felt like my chest was being crushed from all directions. My back was on fire. And I couldn't stop shaking. 

But I was alive. Conscious. And could move my arms and legs. 

The next 10 minutes were a complete blur. I tried desperately to calm my breathing and hysterical crying. An ambulance was called (thank goodness I wasn't riding alone) and I was told not to move a muscle. Snickers was caught after his little jaunt through the corn field. and my daughter was safely out of sight with a family member so she never saw me writhing in pain, hysterically sobbing. The ambulance arrived within 10 minutes of calling (very impressive since we are so rural) and I was placed on a backboard with a collar. They kept asking me what hurt. I kept saying everything. 

When we arrived at the hospital it was all systems go. I was to remain on the backboard until they cleared my spine for fear of paralysis. I was checked for internal bleeding and an IV was started. My heart rate was racing but thankfully, my oxygen levels were stable. 

A million x rays later I was finally cleared to get off that backboard. I have never been so relieved. But my chest was still so painful. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to move. It hurt to just be. 

Another series of X-rays later and it was determined I had cracked my sternum. It's amazing how many muscles are attached to your sternum. Not to mention breathing. 6-8 weeks to heal and the rest of my body was pretty much beaten up from head to toe. 

But it could have a heck of a lot worse. 

I am so grateful. Grateful that after I had 1500 lbs crash on top of my body I still have my life, and my mobility. Grateful for  the amazing staff at the hospital and the paramedics. And grateful for amazing family around that have rallied to ensure my daughter is taken care of during this time of recovery. 

Ps. If you are a rider, please always wear your helmet. When J pulled my helmet out of the car yesterday he noticed a big hoof print right on the side of it. I shudder to think what could have happened had I not been wearing a helmet. 

Montana.

J and I just got back from a 4 day vacation to the most wonderful ranch in Montana.

We REALLY needed it.

It was basically our delayed honeymoon, two and a half years and a baby after the fact and it happened to coincide nicely with J's 30th birthday on December 31st. It was also our first time spending any significant amount of time away from T. (We had done a night here or there, but never 4 in a row). I was pretty nervous that I was going to be a mess for the entire 4 days, but I was fine.. actually, more than fine (thanks to e mail updates and pictures form her awesome GeeGee). For the first time in over a year, I could sleep whenever the heck I wanted and take a shower without the fear of not hearing her cry.

That being said, I was pretty excited to see her after those 4 days.

When we arrived in Montana I could not get over the breathtaking landscape. It is truly gorgeous! If I lived there, I don't think I would ever get used to it.

On New Years Eve (and J's birthday), I had arranged for us to go dog sledding. This had been a dream of his for ages and I am so glad we went. It was truly an experience I will never, ever forget. I had no idea what to expect but it surpassed every expectation I had (and J's too, I'm pretty sure.)

While we were getting the sleds organized and the dogs harnessed, I have never heard anything like it. Utter chaos and excitement from the dogs. As soon as we untied the sled, it was pure silence except for the sound of the runners cutting through the snow. For 14 miles I watched in awe as these hearty 50lb Alaskan Huskies pulled my husband and I up the mountain with nothing but determination and glee on their faces. 

It was truly magical. 

We had a quiet New Years eve, and made it to about 10pm mountain time (which was midnight at home, so we figured that was good enough). New Years Day was spent taking in more awe inducing landscape, but this time on horseback. J was a really good sport, and even though it kills his back, went on a trail ride with me. We spent over an hour exploring the national forest surrounding the ranch and taking in the wildlife and scenery. 

I can't think of a better way to kick off the new year.

This trip meant so much more to me than the absolute luxury, gourmet food and decadent scenery we experienced. It was a chance to recharge, relax, and most importantly reconnect with my amazing husband. It's so easy to get caught up in the daily grind of farming and a 1 year old, and I take for granted how lucky I am to be married to my soul mate. 

And I'm rested and ready to take on whatever 2013 throws my way. 

So happy trails, Montana. Until we meet again...

The other man in my life.

The other man in my life is large, brown, white, fuzzy and has 4 legs. His name is Snickers and he is my almost 8 year old Quarter Horse gelding. My lovely and ridiculously generous husband bought him for me for our first Christmas together 4 years ago.

Horses and riding have always been a huge part of my life. I started riding when I was about 6 and haven't looked back since. I used to compete but since time is a precious commodity these days, it has been put on the back burner for now (hopefully not forever!)

Horse have always been my "happy place" and although that sounds super cheesy, they have got me through some pretty rough times. Honestly, nothing else matters except you and that horse and the connection you have when you are riding. All the other crap melts away (at least for an hour or two) and you can just be.

They are my sanctuary.

Snickers is a gem. Such a kind hearted horse with the natural and athletic ability to do pretty much anything. In the 4 years I have had him he has truly become part of the family. I don't have a ton of time right now to ride him (the whole dairy farming + baby thing is like a time vortex, it just disappears!) but he is happily living in a large pasture with lots of grass and space to frolic.

He is definitely living the horsie dream.

Ps. In love with the app "afterglow". I know I'm probably late to the bandwagon, but it's an awesome photo editor (especially when I rely on my iPhone for ALL my photos)